Couples therapy
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most love is lost”
In my approach to couples therapy, I draw on existential principles to help partners deepen their understanding of each other. One of the primary challenges in relationships is that we often do not hear what our partner is truly saying. Instead, we interpret their words through the lens of our own experiences, wounds, and fears. Existential therapy is particularly suited to couples work because it encourages each partner to explore their own assumptions, values, and needs with honesty and openness. This process of translation is essential for couples to communicate authentically and to understand each other at a deeper level.
Existential therapy also emphasises personal responsibility and freedom of choice. In couples therapy, this means that each partner is encouraged to recognise their role in the dynamics of the relationship and to take responsibility for how they respond. By becoming aware of how they interpret their partner’s words, each person can begin to respond more consciously rather than reacting out of habit or past experiences. This allows for more intentional and constructive interactions between partners.
A significant part of my work focuses on infidelity, betrayal trauma and the process of rebuilding trust. Affairs often create a deep rupture, not only in the relationship, but in each partner’s sense of reality, safety, and identity. I do not approach infidelity as something to be quickly repaired. Instead, I work with couples to understand what has happened in a careful and grounded way.
This includes creating space for the injured partner to express the full impact of the betrayal, while also supporting the partner who has been unfaithful to engage with responsibility in a meaningful and sustained way. This is not about blame or defensiveness, but about developing a clear understanding of the consequences of their actions and what it takes to begin restoring trust.
We also explore the wider context of the relationship. This is not about justifying the affair, but about understanding the relational patterns, unmet needs, and dynamics that were present before it. From there, the couple can begin to make a conscious decision about whether they want to rebuild the relationship and what that would realistically require. Rebuilding trust is not about returning to how things were. It involves creating a relationship that is more honest, more explicit, and more intentional.
Another core aspect of existential therapy is the focus on meaning and purpose. For couples, this involves identifying what each person needs from the relationship and how these needs connect to their values and long term direction. Together, we explore each partner’s priorities and help them find ways to support each other’s growth while building a shared sense of direction.
Ultimately, my aim is to help couples recognise what is working in the relationship and to build on those strengths, while also addressing the areas that feel stuck or painful. This approach allows couples to develop a more flexible and realistic understanding of their relationship, while making conscious choices about how they want to move forward.
My main work is with couples, particularly around communication, infidelity, and neurodiverse relationships including ADHD.
I work flexibly with couples, offering long term therapy for deeper work, short term therapy for more focused concerns, and single session therapy for couples who are looking for clarity around a specific situation.
