Couples Therapy Intensives
Couples Therapy Intensives
A couples therapy intensive is an extended period of therapy completed over half a day, a full day or, subject to availability, three consecutive days. Instead of meeting for one session each week, you spend several hours working on your relationship with the support of a couples therapist.
A half day offers the equivalent of four weekly sessions, a full day seven, and a three day intensive twenty one.
The intensive is focused on the difficulty that has brought you to therapy and what is happening between you as a couple. There is time for both of you to explain your experience, explore the history of the problem and look closely at the pattern that develops when you try to talk about it. We do not have to stop after fifty minutes and then spend part of the next session trying to return to the same point.
An intensive is not simply a longer conversation. Before we meet, you will complete an assessment questionnaire so that I can understand the relationship and prepare for our work. During the intensive, we will agree on the main areas of focus, work with the difficulties as they appear between you and have regular breaks throughout the day.
The extended format also gives you time to try different ways of communicating while I am present. If something does not work at first, we can understand what happened, make adjustments and try again, rather than waiting until the following week to discuss it.
Why might you choose an intensive?
You may choose an intensive because your relationship is in crisis and waiting from one week to the next does not feel manageable. There may have been infidelity, a disclosure or another breach of trust, and you need enough time to begin understanding what has happened and what it means for the relationship.
You may be considering separation and want to explore the relationship properly before making a decision, particularly if one of you wants to leave while the other wants to continue. An intensive does not assume that staying together is the right outcome. It gives you time to understand what has brought you to this point, whether anything can change and what each possible direction would involve.
You may also have been having the same arguments for years, with each conversation ending in anger, defensiveness or withdrawal. In weekly therapy, part of each appointment may be spent returning to the previous session or discussing what has happened since, and the session can end just as the central difficulty begins to emerge. An intensive allows us to remain with the pattern for long enough to understand what each of you is reacting to and begin trying different ways of responding.
Some couples choose an intensive because previous couples therapy has not gone deeply enough. Others have demanding careers, travel frequently, live in different places or cannot commit to the same weekly appointment. Setting aside dedicated time also allows you to step away from work, childcare and other daily pressures so that the relationship can receive your full attention.
You do not need to be in crisis or to have decided what you want the outcome to be. You may simply feel that something important in your relationship needs more time, concentration and honesty than you have been able to give it on your own.
What can we work on?
You can bring a wide range of relationship difficulties to an intensive. You may want help understanding a recent crisis, a longstanding pattern, a change in how you feel about each other or something in the relationship that neither of you has been able to make sense of. The intensive does not need to be limited to one particular type of problem.
Alongside my broader work with couples, I have particular experience in infidelity and betrayal, neurodiverse relationships, expat and international couples, couples going through major life transitions and those who are uncertain whether to remain together.
My approach is existential and relational, which means that we will look beyond the immediate disagreement and consider the meanings, fears, expectations and past experiences that each of you brings to it. We will also pay attention to responsibility, including the part each of you plays in maintaining the pattern and what each of you would need to do differently for the relationship to change.
My work is neurodiversity informed. Where ADHD, autism or another form of neurodivergence is relevant, we will consider how differences in communication, emotional regulation, attention, sensory experience and executive functioning affect the relationship. Understanding these differences can reduce inaccurate assumptions about intention, while still allowing us to address the effect that each partner’s behaviour has on the other.
The focus of the intensive will come from what you bring and what we agree would be most useful to address. It is not limited to my specialist areas or to a particular type of relationship difficulty.
Why an intensive format can help?
One of the main benefits of an intensive is continuity. It can take time to move beyond the account of what happened and reach the feelings, meanings and fears underneath the conflict. In weekly therapy, the session can end just as defensiveness begins to reduce or an important conversation starts to develop. An intensive allows us to remain with that process rather than stopping and trying to return to the same point the following week.
The work can also unfold according to what is happening between you rather than the amount of time remaining in the session. A difficult conversation can be given the time it needs, whether that is twenty minutes or two hours, rather than being interrupted because the appointment is ending. This can be particularly helpful when you are approaching something that has been avoided for a long time or when it takes both of you a while to move beyond your usual positions.
The extended time allows us to work with communication as it happens between you. If you try a different way of responding and it does not work at first, we can understand what happened, adjust it and try again while I am present. Across several hours, I can also see how the relationship changes as you move through different emotions and subjects, rather than forming an understanding from one short period each week.
An intensive can give us repeated opportunities to notice and interrupt a familiar pattern. When the same cycle has been developing for years, recognising it once is rarely enough to change it. We can return to it as it appears during the day, understand what each of you is reacting to and explore what a different response might involve.
Stepping away from work, childcare and other demands creates dedicated time for the relationship. This may be particularly valuable when the relationship is in crisis, when an important decision needs sustained consideration or when you have been returning to the same difficulty without reaching a clearer understanding.
The format can also suit couples who travel frequently, live in different places or cannot attend weekly therapy together. It allows you to undertake a substantial piece of work during the time you can both set aside.
Some couples use an intensive as a standalone piece of therapy, while others choose further sessions to continue working with what has emerged.
The first step is to contact me with a brief description of what you would like help with. We will arrange a short consultation to discuss availability, what is happening in the relationship and whether I am the right therapist for you. We will also consider whether an intensive is the most appropriate way of working and which format would give us enough time.
If you decide to go ahead, I will send you an assessment questionnaire to complete before we meet. This will ask about the history of your relationship, the current difficulty and what each of you hopes to understand or change. Your answers will help me prepare and identify the areas that may need particular attention.
At the beginning of the intensive, we will agree on the main focus of the work. Both of you will have time to explain your experience, but the aim is not simply to hear two separate accounts of the relationship. We will also look at what happens between you when you try to communicate, where conversations begin to break down and what each of you does in response.
I work actively and will ask questions, interrupt patterns that prevent either partner from being heard and challenge both of you where I think this may be helpful. Breaks are included throughout, and the pace and structure can be adjusted where necessary.
Towards the end, we will bring together what has emerged and consider what each of you needs to take responsibility for after the intensive. This may involve further conversations, practical changes, questions that still need to be considered or a decision about the future of the relationship.
An intensive can be a standalone piece of couples therapy, although we can also discuss whether further sessions with me or another therapist would be helpful.
How it works
Is an intensive suitable for your relationship?
An intensive may be suitable if you both want to understand the relationship more fully and are willing to consider your own contribution to what happens between you. You do not need to agree about the cause of the problem or whether the relationship should continue, but both of you need to be willing to participate honestly.
It can be particularly useful when there has been a recent crisis, when conflict has become difficult to resolve, when something important needs to be addressed without waiting several weeks or when practical circumstances make weekly therapy difficult.
An intensive will not be appropriate where there is active violence, coercive control or fear that makes it unsafe for either partner to speak openly. It may also be unsuitable when an addiction or serious mental health difficulty is currently unmanaged and needs its own support before sustained couples work can take place.
If one partner has already made a final decision to leave and is attending only to make the separation easier to disclose, an intensive intended to explore or work on the relationship may not be the right approach. This is different from being genuinely uncertain about whether to stay together, which can be explored during an intensive.
Some couples will benefit more from slower and more consistent work than from several hours of therapy at once. The initial consultation will help us consider which format is appropriate for your relationship.
Formats and fees
Half day intensive
A half day intensive costs £750 and includes four hours of couples therapy across four and a half hours, with thirty minutes for breaks. It can take place in person at my Blackheath practice or online.
Full day intensive
A full day intensive costs £1,400 and is offered in person at my Blackheath practice. It lasts eight hours and includes seven hours of couples therapy, with an hour for breaks throughout the day.
Three day intensive
A three day intensive costs £4,200 and includes twenty one hours of couples therapy across three days. This format is offered in person and is subject to availability. I can travel to work with you at another location, in which case the cost of travel, accommodation and venue hire will be added to the intensive fee and agreed with you in advance.
Payment and cancellation arrangements will be explained before the booking is confirmed.
