Becoming a parent can stir up powerful emotions: joy, fear, hope, and sometimes, a deep unease. For those raised by narcissistic parents, the transition into parenthood can be especially complex. Not only are they learning how to care for a child, but they're also wrestling with ghosts from their own childhoods: memories of emotional neglect, manipulation, control, or conditional love.

How do you become a nurturing, attuned parent when your own early caregivers lacked those qualities? How do you know what's "normal" when your blueprint was skewed? And most importantly, how do you break the cycle?

Medical gaslighting occurs when you're concerned about a symptom and seek medical help, only to be told your concerns aren't real or significant. You leave the appointment feeling confused, dismissed, or invalidated, whilst your pain or worry continues unchanged.

If you've ever walked out of a doctor's appointment questioning whether you're imagining your symptoms, despite knowing something feels wrong in your body, you may have experienced medical gaslighting. Trust that feeling of confusion and invalidation. Your body's signals matter, and your concerns deserve proper investigation and care.

I got the idea for this post when I attended the narcissistic abuse conference in London on 14th June, where many audience members were asking the same crucial question: "How can I best protect my children?" Whether you're co-parenting with a narcissist or still living under the same roof, the impact on your children is profound and complex. Each child in your family will have developed different coping mechanisms and wounds, depending on the role they've been assigned in the narcissistic family system.

This guide is for parents who are navigating life during or after a relationship with a narcissistic partner and want to break the cycle for their children.

As a therapist specialising in narcissistic abuse, I’ve seen how different narcissistic personality types give rise to unique relationship dynamics that deeply affect those around them, whether partners, family members, or close friends.Understanding how each type manifests in relationships not only validates what you've experienced but reveals the underlying patterns that can transform your healing journey and future relationship choices.

The connection between a narcissist and their victim goes far beyond conventional relationship attachment. What develops is a trauma bond—a biochemical dependency that functions remarkably similarly to addiction. When in a relationship with a narcissist, your brain becomes accustomed to the dramatic highs of their intermittent positive attention and the crushing lows of their withdrawal and criticism. This creates a cycle of cortisol and dopamine releases that literally rewires your brain's reward pathways.

The interactions between these family roles create a complex and often toxic environment. The golden child and the scapegoat may find themselves in direct conflict, with the golden child siding with the narcissistic parent and reinforcing their judgments of the scapegoat. Meanwhile, the enabling parent may attempt to mediate but ultimately fails to challenge the narcissistic parent's control.