Couples Therapy Intensives for Infidelity Recovery
Infidelity is one of the most destabilising experiences a couple can go through. It tends to bring a profound sense of shock, loss and disorientation that reaches beyond the relationship itself, into each partner's sense of reality, identity and meaning.
In the fictional couch: Beef’s Lindsay and Josh in couples therapy
In a first session with a couple, I always ask for their history before I want to know their complaint. How did they meet? What was going on for each of them at that point in their lives? What attracted them to each other? This gives me a sense about why they (often unconsciously) chose each other. This tends to reveal a great deal about the level and nature of a couple’s dysfunction, because people very often choose partners unconsciously, drawn to someone who will enable their own defence mechanisms, and who is operating at a similar level of differentiation to their own. We don’t choose partners at random. We sometimes choose people who leave our defences undisturbed, exactly where we think we need them to stay.
Re-reading The Narcissistic Family: Reflections on Differentiation, Self-Soothing, and Adult Relationships
I recently re-read an extract from The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment, particularly the section describing children from narcissistic families as becoming reactive and reflective. The authors describe how a child raised in this environment often learns that their primary task is to meet parental needs rather than develop trust in their own feelings, perceptions, and inner world.
What is Considered an Affair? Understanding the Boundaries of Betrayal
When couples arrive for therapy following an affair, one of the most striking dynamics I see is the disagreement over whether an affair has actually occurred. One partner feels devastated by what they perceive as a fundamental betrayal, whilst the other insists that "nothing really happened" or that their actions "don't count" as infidelity.
After Infidelity: An Existential Approach to Couples Therapy
The discovery of infidelity can shatter the foundation of a relationship, leaving both partners struggling with questions about trust, meaning, and identity. As a therapist, I've witnessed how this crisis can either lead to relationship dissolution or, sometimes surprisingly, become a catalyst for deeper connection and renewed commitment between partners. From an existential perspective, infidelity extends beyond the act of betrayal—it confronts us with questions about our existence and relationships. When infidelity occurs, both partners are forced to confront several existential realities.
Notes on Existential Psychotherapy IV: The Existential Approach to Couples Therapy
When two people build a life together, they encounter questions that touch the very core of human existence. What does it mean to truly connect with another person while remaining yourself? Who am I in relation to you? What meaning do we create together? How do we maintain our individuality while building a shared life? How do you create shared meaning while honouring individual dreams? What happens when the initial excitement fades, and you're faced with the reality of choosing each other day after day?
ADHD and Relationships: Strategies for Forming Better Connections
ADHD can have a profound impact on romantic relationships, affecting communication, daily functioning, and emotional dynamics. When one or both partners have ADHD, misunderstandings can easily arise. Forgetfulness, procrastination, and avoidance can sometimes be misinterpreted as a lack of care, when in reality, they are symptoms of ADHD-related executive dysfunction. Learning to depersonalise these behaviours and develop mutual understanding is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship.
