Notes on Existential Psychotherapy III: Navigating Difficult Dilemmas in Existential Psychotherapy
Difficult dilemmas are part of the human experience. In existential psychotherapy, we approach these dilemmas not by searching for the “right” answer, but by helping individuals uncover what they are prepared to lose. Every choice comes with a cost — a letting go of something else. Rather than becoming stuck in anxiety over what’s correct, existential therapy invites a deeper, more grounded question: What can I live with letting go of?
When we face difficult dilemmas, it's natural to worry about making the "right" choice. We often ask, "What is the correct decision?" However, the true question might be, “What am I prepared to lose?” Each choice carries a sacrifice, a shedding of one path in favour of another. As we weigh these losses, we gain clarity about which one we can accept, which one we are willing to part with in order to move forward. This perspective shifts the focus from the anxiety of right vs. wrong to the understanding that each decision, while meaningful, comes with inherent trade-offs.
Existential dilemmas often stir feelings of confusion, fear, and paralysis. We might feel trapped between competing values, or between personal desires and external expectations. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the need for certainty, but existential therapy doesn’t offer ready-made solutions. Instead, it creates space to explore these conflicts from multiple angles — to examine what really matters to you, and why. In the face of uncertainty, therapy offers a gentle invitation to confront the ambiguity and complexity of life, with all its potential for growth and self-discovery.
A central aspect of this work is the exploration of values. What do you believe in? Why do you hold these beliefs? Where do they come from? Often, we discover that many of our values are inherited — from family, culture, society — and may no longer resonate with who we are or who we want to become. Through existential analysis, we carefully unpack these values and examine them one by one: Are they still serving you? Are they in conflict with each other? Do they support your sense of authenticity?
Existential psychotherapy views human beings as existing across multiple dimensions — the physical, psychological, social, and spiritual. Making an informed decision means considering all of these dimensions. A decision that feels logical might not feel emotionally aligned; something that seems like the “responsible” choice might clash with your inner sense of meaning or purpose. Therapy becomes a methodical and compassionate exploration of these dimensions, helping you understand how they interact in your life.
One of the key beliefs in existential therapy is that we are always making choices — even when we think we are not. Avoidance is a choice. Indecision is a choice. By bringing these unconscious choices into awareness, therapy empowers you to begin choosing more intentionally and with greater clarity. We recognize that even in moments of uncertainty, we are still choosing something, whether it’s staying in a situation that doesn’t serve us or choosing to remain passive. The goal of therapy is to help you see these choices and become more intentional in the decisions you make moving forward.
Existential therapy also explores the concept of responsibility. In facing difficult dilemmas, you are responsible for your choices — not in a way that burdens you with guilt, but in a way that invites you to own your decisions and their consequences. Taking responsibility for what we choose, and what we choose to leave behind, is an act of empowerment. It allows us to confront the existential reality that, ultimately, we are in charge of the direction our lives take, even if the road ahead is uncertain or unclear.
In existential therapy, the process of decision-making is not about finding a clear-cut solution, but rather about becoming comfortable with the uncertainty of life. It’s about embracing the ambiguity and discomfort that comes with not knowing what the future holds. In this way, therapy helps individuals reconnect with the present moment, where real choice exists. It’s in the present that we find our true power to decide — not by escaping our dilemmas, but by sitting with them and exploring what feels most authentic to our unique lives.
Ultimately, existential psychotherapy doesn’t tell you what to do. Instead, it offers a space to slow down, reflect, and ask: What matters to me now? What kind of life do I want to create? And what am I willing to let go of to move toward it? In the face of difficult dilemmas, it’s not about finding the “right” answer; it’s about making peace with the losses inherent in each choice, and becoming more attuned to what truly aligns with your authentic self. This deeper awareness can help you navigate life's dilemmas with a sense of agency and clarity, even when the path ahead is uncertain.
